Living with Autism

The disappearance of children with Autism (like Mikaela Lynch)and the subsequent discovery of their bodies near a body of water, often makes me wonder about why they are attracted by the water.  
Is it the shimmering reflection of the sun rays on the water that makes it irresistible for them to touch it?  Not knowing the depth or what may lie on the shallowness, jagged rocks, slippery surfaces, endless possibilities of situation that can turn the simple curiousness of these little children into a deadly incident.

Like most mothers, I introduced water as early as 6 months old, to get her to play with the feeling of weightlessness when in a pool.  Often gave her baths and showed her that water is harmless when we know how to swim.  As she grew and knew Science and Maths, I explained to her how the knowledge can help her decide if she can walk or float in the pool.

However, no matter how good I am in the water, splashing in all kinds of styles, when she goes in, she clings to me.  There are times when she takes courage and holds the floater, flipping her feet, trying to remember when to take breath, but co-ordination was never her forte.

One warm sunny day on a vacation, we lounged at the pool and took a fun swim with the single bed floater and pushed her around the pool.  The temperature was lukewarm, the water was cool, sunset was soon and it was very calm.  Some teenagers were being silly and started to join us at the pool.  We decided to just soak up the sun on the giant crescent shape bed-swings sporadically situated at the pool sides.

As I drifted to an afternoon snooze with her on my side, she slipped off the bed-swing and told me quietly that she wants to see the big dolphin floater on the pool side.  I immediately became alert and sat up to finish the bottled water while watching her approached the pool at the corner of my eye.

She walked without looking back, confident that she didn't fancy to swim some more, I stayed on the swing, drinking away my water.  The next thing I saw just as I finished my last drop of water was her hand above the water splashing, obviously gasping for air and unable to touch the pool ground.  I took off my robe, ran as fast as I possibly could, disregarding my cellulite and everything else that can possibly jiggle as I leaped into the water to grab her.  I hugged her, told her to cough out the water, to stay calm, take deep breaths, and I saw fear in her eyes as I never before.  I stayed with her in the water for some minutes after.  Talked to her, got her to take a few more deep breaths before we did a few exhales underwater.
Something told me inside that it was a close call.

As we got out of the water, two Korean girls giggled on the pool side.  Perhaps it was amusing to see.  I was just glad that I reacted fast enough.  They did not have a clue what I go through everyday.  Only mothers with kids in the spectrum really know that it's never rainbow and cotton candy.  Most days are just poop on walls or in the mouth.  Loud decibels and banging are our norms.  When it's quiet, then probably the fever visiting because the word "rest" is not in her dictionary.  But we get by, we learn to live with Autism, and the best thing is, we found that by accepting Autism into our life, instead of shooing it out of the door and trying the old "not disciplined enough" method of teaching, we became the better part of ourselves.  Yes, we're a lot crazy sometime, bet you wish you want to be on this side of the brain often, because here, others' judgement do not matter.

We were born FREE

Today morning, we went to visit a newborn baby.  Much to our excitement, we found the 2 days old baby in the same room as the mother (other hospital had a different policy, babies would be kept in separate room to give mothers time out).

The superstar.

We were so happy to greet this special girl.  The energy in that room when we came were so positive, so much love, radiating and reminding us once again that we were born FREE.  

Society imposes on us: who we are, who we have to become, who we can love.  When we were born, we only knew of what we are and where we came from.  We are souls experiencing this human body, the little and fragile human anatomy.  We came from LOVE and we only have LOVE to give to others.  

Yet, we grow up only to realise that separation exists and have been very much embedded in society.  The lies and the shackles society created, it breaks my heart to see many souls forgetting where they came from. 

I'm sharing this video below in a hope that you will too, understand someday.  Yes, freedom is a choice and it is yours to choose.

FREEdom, it's your choice!

Patience, is still a Virtue

Bugs Bunny will be pleased.  All organic from seed to fruit. 

Re-using the blue containers.

The happy celeries.

No chemicals required for these babies to grow.  Just singing and lots of love.

Doodles Now

Ok, her drawing seems to get better (it's in colour now!) but those "lined" eyes, they tick me seriously, when is she going to change them???

About Love

When I was young, I stuck a sticker on my mother's dresser that says "I Love You".  That was on valentine's day and my dad thought it was tacky.  He did not want to hug mom or kiss her in front of the kids.  

The sticker was peeled off 6 years ago when I was going through my court separation process.

Yes, I thought, love is really a marketing gimmick for those who think they're in love, got married and later found themselves stuck with a partner they don't even know, let alone really love.

As I raised a child alone, I realised that love could only possibly exists between a parent and a child.  Blood ties are stronger than anything else.  

That's when I know the reason why some men will never marry a woman who has been married before, the same reason why some men can never love another man's child.

This made me question, if some men are so adamant about having their own child, then why some made children, then ran away from their responsibilities?  Or use their work as an excuse to be an absent father?  Or only want the sweetness of raising children but not the gruesome truth about waking up at night and making a bottle?

Then those men who are adamant about having their own children, from their own bloodline, they are:

- very selfish (stubborn is already a trait in them)

- afraid of the responsibility (then how would I ever trust this type of men with their own blood line?)

- having no compassion (won't make a good father even to his own blood line)

- lacking love themselves (there aren't enough love to distribute to existing human, i.e. the child from the other man, so why would there be enough love to give to his own blood line?)

After much soul journey, I finally decided these:

- some love are very much 3 dimensional.  The type of men that are so adamant about having their own blood line continuing are simply the ones that have not awakened to the fact that we all came from the ultimate source of love.  

These men are too wrapped up in the things that can only be seen with the naked eye.  His job, his business, his friends, those will come first because hey, even the love that you talk to him about, cannot be seen, until it is proven once you conceive his child and slave over him.

- the kind of love that you want to have and be, is the one that connects at the soul. Hence the word "soul mate" that has its usage abused for as long as language existed.

This love, is so rare that sometimes, it does not exists in one's current lifetime.  Depending on what you've signed up for before you come to earth, your soul mate (s) can decide whether to contribute to your lessons (say, if the lesson is of acceptance, then he'll probably bring in a set of his own kids instead of just you bringing in yours) or whether to just be a companion (supportive parents/friends).  If you are going to face a tough life, then your soul mate can decide to be your devoted life partner to get you through that lifetime.  

I can go on with the permutation of cases where soul mates are meeting in one lifetime, but the point being is that despite what the masses think on what love is, it has nothing to do with marriage or physical aspects of it.  

In fact, much of it has to do with one's relationship with one's higher self.  That aspect of us, has direct connection to the ultimate Source of love, therefore, we need not be afraid that there's not enough love to go around to other people's children.  As long as we connect ourselves to the Source, we're going to be LOVE ourselves.  

How do we do that?  To love and to feel loved?  We raise our vibration by accessing higher state of consciousness.  It is so much easier to do that now since people are awakening.  People realise that some partnership has to break to make way for higher learning.  

I know some will stay adamant to their 3 dimensional living because their fear of the unknown is greater than their willingness (or ability) to change for that matter.  For a small step of changing one's perception is a big step in raising one's frequency.

Love and light......

Vertical Planting

Gardening in the city is definitely a complex art.  Much contemplation on how to make it work with the growing "family" and how hot it has been lately (flies comes with organic gardening), we decided to do it vertically.

A hole drilled at the bottom and a used wet shirt tied into the bottom of the top bucket, connecting it to the bottom bucket to ensure water continuation

The lettuces at the end of their careers

For memory sake, we keep some in their original state.

The empty buckets re-used for fragrant south east Asian lime trees.  Have to wait till next year to expect any yummy treats.

The vegetables are sprayed by onion concoction that we made by mixing used onion (because you have to finish an onion once you opened it, otherwise it becomes toxic to your body, if you store it.  This became a perfect candidate for organic pest repellent) with water and putting it into a pump.

As with the flies, I once saw a friend's farm having a used bottle, halfway filled with cow dung and somehow, the flies just flew right inside and became intoxicated by the smell and never could come out.
Now, I don't fancy having a cow dung smell in my backyard, so I talk to the flies and just make a pact, "You guys stay in your territory, rabbit manure and all, I stay in my territory, nobody gets hurt.".  It works, LOL.

Two days of back breaking work but very content at how spacious my backyard is once again.

The Blood

The implanting of the Brain

"With special FX you can do it, too!"

Since the movies that we watched was quite gruesome, i.e. blood splattering as a body was thrown from a high rise building.  We started a discussion of the special effects used in movies.  

It was quite a revelation for her to find out that nobody actually dies in the Tommy Cavendish scene in Cloud Atlas.  Although, she wanted to experiment on her own. I only just managed to halt a pre-planned prank she was about to pull on her grandparents.

Fancy some blood recipes?
These are what you need:
- a pinch of Carboxy methyl cellulose (a gelling agent)
- a pinch of red food colouring
- a pinch of black food colouring
- a pinch of pink food colouring
- water to get the desired effect

You should end up with something like this:

 To pull a prank like this:

"AAAAHHH, pooped my gut out!!!"

The Babies and a Recipe

This morning, we went on a hunt in our garden.  The hunt is called: spot the babies.
Some are hiding under the soil, some are standing tall trying to hide under the flower.
Can you spot them?

 The lettuces are still thriving even after many many salad dinners that we had.

Salad recipe:

A bunch of lettuce leaves, cut or leave as is

2 eggs, cut into quarters

1/4 red capsicum, cut into cubes 

1/4 yellow capsicum, ditto

2 slices of home made bread, splash olive/grape seed oil, sprinkle salt, cut into cubes, put into oven for 5 minutes high

2 potatoes, cut into cubes

1 tomato, cut into quarters

Dressing recipe:

1/2 lemon, extract its juices

2 tbsp grape seed oil / olive oil

salt

pepper

honey, to offset the acidic taste

Stir all, sprinkle over salad, toss

YUMMMO

Wish we took a picture before devouring everything, all the time!

Channeling Erik

Things do not happen coincidentally in life.

Everybody, whether they acknowledge it or not, are connected with everybody else, regardless of their geographical location, age, race, religion, etc.
It is the sense of this separation from everyone else that makes one feels the emptiness in their life.

Others who are connected, realise that this separation, is something unique to us as human.  To have amnesia of where we came from, of what our missions are, and of what we're actually made of, it is truly a challenging place to be in, this earth.

As generations pass, the lessons get harder to learn for the next generation.
In the older, we see them struggle with jealousy, anger, grief, physical pain.
In the middle, we see self realisation making them lonely, ego making them ruthless leaders, greed making them unavailable emotionally.
In the younger, we see them struggle to adjust to this physical body, some are too disconnected from their physicality, labels being put on them.  Autism, down syndrome, bipolar, Schizophrenics, etc.  Everyday is already a struggle to control this body of theirs.

What have we learnt from these younger generations that are our future?  Do we still hold the belief system that "Momma knows best?"

Erik can tell you all about this.
So many others across the world have crossed path with him in one way or another.  This weekend, I dedicated it to Erik Rune Medhus and Dr. Elisa Medhus.
Thank you for everything you have done.
Click for it here : Channeling Erik

How to Answer the Questions on the "Things You Should Never Ask A Single Mom"

Last night, I was pondering about an article I read on how to answer those rude questions people ask single moms.  You can read the article: here.

This "being single" state is the one questionable by the person questioning.  When to the doer, the one in that "being single" state does not question anything about their state.

I know a single dad with 3 kids who got divorced earlier than I am and was in a quest of finding a new mom for his kids.  Today, he's still in a state of limbo, with marred name everywhere and wish he has the courage to even end his own sorry life.  He did find a partner, with her own 3 kids, and life has never improved since.

The question becomes then, what does one do whilst being in that "being single" state?  Is it enough to do what the article above says?

Well, I tell you what, the only relationship that is necessary to have, is the relationship between you and YOUR self.
When you know yourself and YOUR self, YOU will then guide you into another life where these people who poses annoying questions, don't even exists!

I am not bothered by these silly questions/statements such as:
- "Why don't you re-marry, my friend who got divorce same time as you did already re-marry and they're happy, you know?"
- "Pity your child, she needs a father figure!"
- "Don't you feel lonely?"
- "Join my religious community, you'll be taken care of."

Come backs to those are really enough with a smile (not a smirk) and sincere love, because their attempt to meddle into my life are actually the only way they know how to express their care.

There's no need to justify my state of being single.  This is what I signed up for, to experience in this time period.
There's no need to judge them who asks, because to them, my circumstances matter, but to me, circumstances don't matter, only my state of being matters.

The climb is difficult, but when you get to the top, the flight is worth the struggle.

Cloud Atlas Movie vs Novel

The challenge in this, is to read the novel before the movie airs.
That is, a 509 pages thick book, in between being a mom, a driver, a maid and an employee.
Stressful much?  Not at all.  In fact, I enjoy the book more than the movie to be honest.  I came out of the theatre feeling that I've been robbed of experiencing the wholeness of the novel.  Am pretty sure it was because of the saturated censorship here that caused my incomplete experience of the whole movie.  Although there is much enjoyment in watching the main characters came alive and the amazing music that it has, I just felt that I need to see the movie in its complete form without censorship at all to enjoy it fully.
Citing from Wiki: "The movie was released in cinemas in China on January 31, 2013 with 39 minutes of cuts, including removal of nudity, a sexual scene, and numerous conversations.".

My feeling is that Tykwer and Wachowskis, the film maker, would've been able to do a much better rendition in making it as a trilogy, like their (Wachowskis') Matrix Trilogy.  However, the downside of making something as a trilogy is the need of surety that the first one will sell to make people want to see the second, and then it has to sustain its steam to make the public aware of the third and therefore buying the complete trilogy DVDs, etc.
Since many of the ideas in this novel is in itself very novel, i.e. a clone, who has no soul, starting a revolution,- it might flop in the first 20 minutes, let alone getting sequels' fund or interest in merchandise.  Unlike other trilogies, which are purely categorised as science fiction with simple theme of good vs evil, journey to the middle earth, etc.

Honestly, this novel and movie are not for the masses.  It challenges everyone's beliefs and forces you to question whether we really are all connected somehow.
When I went to see the movie, a family actually walked out after the gay kissing scene.  I wonder how that got the tick from the censorship department.  Ha ha.

The novel has 6 different stories, broken into halves except the one in the middle, with the comet birthmark and the mentioning of the other chapters as a binder to make a book as one.

The movie is a story with these characters that have the same comet birthmark on different parts of their body, living in different eras, somehow learning what they need to learn, differently throughout their various times.
The scenes are shot jumping from one era to another.  Seriously, if the directors are trying to convey to the public the idea that time is not linear, then they've succeeded.  I did not feel confined to a specific era at all but actually connecting with the different incarnation of the person with the comet birthmark.

It was quite fun to point out the similarities and differences between the various scenes of the movies and the parts of the book.  The ones that stood out to me were:
- The comet birthmark:
In the book, Robert Frobisher's on shoulder blade, but movie, at his back, shown just before he climbed out Rufus Sixsmith's window.
- Relationships:
Movie does not explore Jocasta's affair with Frobisher.  Or perhaps it was censored?  I don't know.
- Different executions:
Movie does not explore Sonmi's study time at University and many characters were cut out.  Totally left out the scene where a doll is thrown off the bridge.
In the book, Catkin was cured by a pill from Meronym but in the movie, it was a quick jab from Meronym's tool by Zachry.
Cavendish never had a stroke in the movie.
Mr.Meeks was picked up in the movie, but he's already inside the car in the novel.

The movie need a lot of dramatic scenes to capture the audience's attention, graphic portrayal of  Finch being thrown off the balcony, the Kona's brutality, etc.  The book captured my attention by the different ways of how each chapters are written, as soon as I go into another chapter, I felt transported into that era and the style of writing changes to suit.  Ingenious!

In conclusion, I must get the movie's complete version, unabridged and uncensored.  I'm glad I read the book first before seeing the movie, although I felt cheated intelligently, but the soundtrack and the special effects for the make up (how they turn Zhou Xun into Rose, Doona Bae into Tilda, Halle Berry into Jocasta, etc) patched up all the disappointment.

Disclaimer: I don't own the picture of "Cloud Atlas" above.

Organic Gardening

As part of our homeschooling, we decided to put into practice the nutrition points we studied.  

Organic homegrown is what we've decided to experiment with.  Re-purposing anything and everything is our motto.  

So, as soon as the January sun came and the weather became much happier than the usual sombre note, we sang and talked to the seeds to grow and grow for us.

Rinsed used eggs

Fertile soil

Organic seeds

Lettuces

  

Alfalfa seeds planting soil-less

Alfalfa seeds planting with soil

Harvested Alfalfa: soil-less are not so strong, with soil  are tastier

Spinach 

Lettuces in re-purpose jerrycans

 

 

Zucchinis

Carrots

Honestly, we are salivating when we go to our organic garden.  It's been and am sure will be more rewarding as time goes by.  Go organic, plant your own :)

She Paints Horses

Since I was young, I am always fascinated by horses.  It has an enchanting factor that holds power over any other creature.
Interestingly, someone else across the other side of the world, also have the same passion over horses.
While mine can only be expressed through music (think of a Chinese folk song played on the Erhu), Kasia Grajoszek expresses hers over canvas.

I must say, this black stallion against the red background is the one that I love most.
Visit her site by clicking this link: she paints horses

I'm using this image that I took a while back, of a horse and cart which am not so keen about.  I always thought that they should be free.

Unbridled.
This word makes me stop and wonder, what human seldom realise, that if they slow down and value the things they do from the moment they wake up, the ones that worth the most, are actually the ones without a price tag.

The Croods

"The Croods" first caught my attention when my daughter started screaming about it (yes, literally screaming out loud that she wants to watch it).
On how she came about to know the movie was another mystery.
Apparently, she was taken in by the advertisement for it on her Poptropica page that she got hooked on ever since she read "Diary of a Wimpy Kid".  Hence our discussion on the vicious circle of marketing.
When I wiki-ed the movie, it said that it was made in 3D and so I unconsciously murmured my thought out loud, "If it's made in 3D, then we have to see it in 3D...".
Brilliant!  She heard it clear enough and sealed the agreement.
Where did kids nowadays learn how to negotiate?

The Croods are not that crude after all, if you don't count the moment where the story clearly shows the difference between how Guy (the modern-ish man) eats his dinner (as a prisoner) and how the Croods eat theirs.

These Croods are the perfect example of most old fashioned Asian families.  Sticking together, kids will grow up to continue their parent's legacy, work in their family business, marry off to a guy of the father's taste, yada yada yada.
I laughed so hard because of this parallel to most modern Asian families.  That apparently seems so crude, haha.

The funniest lines that really tickled me, came from Grug (Nicholas Cage):
"Fear has kept us alive, so, never not be afraid, be really afraid!".
Then later towards the end of the movie, it was hashed and changed to this:
"Don't be afraid!".

Other lines also came from Grug:
"New is bad!"
"Stick to routine!"
Now, this is funny since my daughter, being in the spectrum, hates exactly what Grug hates.  She even pointed out to Sandy's (the baby Crood) behaviour, "Hey, that's what I do!".  Sandy must be in the spectrum, too!  Ha ha.

The Crood's world came crushing down as the shift of the world's plane was happening to their part of the world.  Striking parallel to the recent end of the world 21.12.12 Mayan prophecy.  That was crude interpretation, people!  LOL.
No, I'm telling you, it was for real, only that 21.12.12 was the beginning of the end and we haven't got to the end of the end.  See the movie, you'll understand.

My take on this movie is that these pre-historic people are the representation of us as sleepers.  We have been forced to always be afraid because of circumstances and had never been allowed outside of our 'designated' territory, without having to bear the consequences of being labelled.  It's as if there's an unseen barrier of tradition, culture, religion etc, that prevents us from feeling 'alive' instead of just living.
Then the modern-ish prehistoric man is the representation of us that wants to be awaken.  The promise of a better tomorrow that keeps us going for uncharted territories.  Gaining survival skills as we learn each day disregarding the unseen barrier mentioned above.  Taking a leap of faith, trusting in our intuition.  Yes, easier written than done.

A cute conversation that speaks more than it really seems:
Guy (Ryan Reynolds):  "Ok, now you can look.  I call them: Shoes."
Eep (Emma Stone):  "AAAAAHHHHHH!!!  I love them.  Where are my feet? (looks around, worried)".

What makes you think that something unseen, makes it non existing?

Disclosure: I don't own the picture of "The Croods" above.

Doodles Now

Now that she's connected online, she always checks whether her doodles are up on the blog.
I'm pretty slow on things and I'm starting to suspect that I'm also with her, right up there in the spectrum.

Not sure what's up with the bunny ears???

Can you see the angel and devil on each shoulder?  Pretty tiny though.

The Art of Cantonese Opera

The thing I like most about travelling is that sometimes you encounter an unexpected exhibition in the places you pass through.

Have you ever watched a Cantonese Opera?  Yes, one of those nasal high pitched singing that's been around for centuries in China?
Did  you know that if one of the character started spinning his/her head round and round (like headbanging in a heavy metal concert, but 360 degrees spin), it means that he/she has gone mad.
There are many other specific gestures in a classic Chinese opera that signifies a certain mood or status.  Very interesting topic which happened to intrigue my little daughter.
So while she was enjoying the interactive video show of these different gestures, I took a few snapshots.