Monday, 31 March 2014


"Honesty is such a lonely word....honesty is hardly ever heard..."

Who does not know this lyrics from Billy Joel's "Honesty"?
Ok, how about Beyonce's "I Am...Sasha Fierce" album, Track #2.  Yes perhaps most of you recognise this chorus line there.

Why is honesty being called such a lonely word?
When one is honest with themselves, they found that the truth is their own truth and not anyone else's truth.
So, most people rather lie to themselves and others in order to project an image or belong to a group.

Take this example.  A well known Metaphysics teacher, destiny reader, ancient knowledge teacher, what kind of life behind the facade he puts out, do you think he would have?
An enlightened one?
Think again.

When one is not in search of their true self, resorting into easing the pain and hurt of life in things like one's accomplishments and praise from others, one will not find true happiness.

"Happiness is the truth"  .... at least Will Pharell 'got it' in his current hit.

Tuesday, 25 March 2014

FREE PATTERN: Crochet Shawl

Professional photographer needed!
The little fleurettes
The edgings 
Finished, yeay!
- 3 skeins of Bamboo Cotton (30%, 70%) anti bacterial yarn at 50g each
- 3.00mm crochet hooks

FREE PATTERN: Crochet Shawl
I love this Gyoso site because it has such simplistic instruction with diagrams that enabled me to simply whip up something really quickly.

This project is for mom who's suffering from Parkinson and Osteoporosis.
She leans around 45 degrees to her left side so I wanted her to have something small and light weight to just cover her neck and shoulder.

The working of this shawl is fairly straight forward with the body of the shawl first and the edgings to finish.
I would think the measurement can be adjusted, especially the length of the shoulder if one has a wider frame.
Mind you, this site is a Japanese site and Asian woman are mostly petite size, so, the picture do represent what it yields.
Get your measuring tape out before eagerly jumping into your project.

Have fun creating :)

FREE PATTERN: Frilly Scarf

- unknown brand of yarn, fingering weight, use 2 strands at once, 4 skeins of approximately 50g each.
- 5.00 mm crochet hook

Free Pattern: Frilly Scarf

The thing I love about this site is that the pattern is pretty much self explanatory with minimum words and some diagrams.

I did reworked the scarf twice (yes, painful, but it was a self fulfilling prophecy) because the yarn colour I had bought from the same batch was yielding different shade!
Lesson learnt: be careful when selecting a presumably same coloured yarn in a bag, check it thoroughly that they are the same shade!
Restarted again using the different shade worked together, instead of same shade worked together and ending up with different shade at the tip.

This is a surprise project for a friend, which is now missing in the mail since November 2013, just like the flight MH 370.
I hope whoever decided to retrieve this gift in the end, appreciates and love it as much as I loved making it.

Monday, 3 March 2014

My World according to My 7 Year Old

Yesterday, I had the liberty to thrust myself into an online mis-communication.
Not often that I let myself involve in this kind of thing as I had a definition that online life is not as real as the physical life.
Hence getting into an online argument equals to a waste of time.

However, it is hard to dismiss something when you're privately messaged.  Ah, this is another definition for me, to be privately messaged, it means business for me.  Just the same as being tagged, or being mentioned in someone's post.
These definitions of mine, pushed me into a total waste of time.

I could've dismissed the whole thing for nonsensical people fighting about a lost cause that was once fought, or I could be logical and actually try to remind them of the importance of internet safety.
Alas I chose the latter.  As predicted, total waste of time according to earlier definition.

Today however, I choose to change my definition.  Online life can be as real as one wants it to be.  So, for those who took online life so real that it becomes their reality, can thank me for putting my time typing about the danger of exposing themselves online if they take online life, that real.  You are very much welcome.
I'm glad I was not wasting my time as I once viewed it, that others actually took it that real.  So I thank you in return with much love and appreciation.

When I talked to my 7 year old about what happened, she said,
"Mom, you have weird friends."  
That pretty much summed it up for me about the entire "friendship" thing that I never quite understood to begin with.

Friday, 28 February 2014

Ode to February

   A realisation came into me in the past few days.  To teach love, one will make the student fall in love with him.  But in the end, the student realises that it is she who is falling in love with herself all over again.  There are so much misconceptions on love itself on earth, they make the love within us that is of the source, unrecognisable, forgotten, and even misdefined.   

Thursday, 27 February 2014

FREE: Win a Free Painting of your Animal!

"Pepsi the Cocker Spaniel"
Once again, my talented friend is holding a competition.
She's painting your pets and to launch her new site, she is giving away 1 lucky winner a chance to have his/her pet on the canvas.

Click here:

Remember to do the instructions before 3rd March 2014!

Monday, 10 February 2014

"The Randomers" Review

For those who did not catch the youtube link, click here "The Randomers".
The advertisement read: "Female, 23, seeking relationship without speaking".

A movie about love, that truly had me put my knitting and crocheting down, because it has no dialogue.  What held it together was the actors amazing pairs of eyes that spoke volumes and a well put together pieces of music that has no connection at all, but only evokes reminiscence of Charlie Chaplin's silent movie or the sound of the distant cry of abandoned animals.

It takes guts to make a romantic story without words.  As Shakespeare puts it in "The Tempest":
     "Hear my soul speak: The very instant that I saw you, did my heart fly to your service."
How does the Graham Jones (director) succeeded in conveying these two lovebird's love, without proper conversations between them?

For sure, you have to see the movie to know how.  Although, I can tell you this.
Watch for the beautiful ocean scenery around the west coast of Ireland, Connemara National Park and forests around Galway.

Think about this, if you don't count the meaningless conversations between you and your partner, such as, "Coming back for dinner?", "What time do you expect me to be at your office function?", and the sort, then, you'll know that between the two of you, you pretty much do not saying anything meaningful throughout the day.
Discounting the "I love you"s that became pretty much a drill.

Perhaps this valentine, you can look into your partner's eyes and tell her what you really feel without speaking a word.  If she doesn't get it, try a sonnet?

"The Merchant of Venice"
     "One half of me is yours, the other half yours mine own, I would say; but if mine, then yours, and so all yours."

Sunday, 9 February 2014

FREE: Valentine Movie

Love according to a 7 year old...
Remember those days where you have to go to the DVD rental shop to take out movies for a perfect date night in?

Nowadays, just concentrate on the popcorn popping and let youtube load your movies.

Here's a perfect Valentine's Day movie from a celebrated film maker Graham Jones.

Click here for The Randomers.

Enjoy :)

Tuesday, 4 February 2014

Mainstream Defiler

If I were a person living in the middle ages, I would be a woman who knows how to read (at that time, people outside the church did not learn how to read/write) and just so happen to have a black cat, and was fried at the stake.

Since then, I never choose a role that's boring as so called 'mainstream role'.  Although I bought into 'mainstream' a long long time ago, thinking that I'd be an awesome accountant for the big 5 with a super IT husband and a pair of cutey pie kids.  
To have life turned out like what it is now, is like trying to go to London-England, but somehow ended up at London-Canada.

I guess I'm a 'mainstream defiler' and I've been given a very much non-mainstream child.  Call her "special need kid", call her "autistic", call her "naughty", I call her my love.

Everyday I wake up and thank the source for giving me the life that I never expected.  That my world is so different from my peers' and that makes me ready for anything and everything.

Thursday, 30 January 2014

Are You On Auto Pilot?

Is that a dummy smothering the pilot???
The title perhaps need to be elaborated.  It is no surprise that most of us are on auto pilot for the entire living days we are on earth.

When one is born a Chinese descent, you know that on Lunar New Year's eve, you'll see so many people you don't know, that you call something or rather title (apparently related somehow to you), they'll be eating the food that your mom slaved over for days to prepare, and goes home only to appear again the next day, wearing new shiny traditional Chinese clothes (or red in colour), bringing their entire family (the more kids they have, the bigger headache your mom has) and talk loudly with your parents while their kids receiving red pocket called 'angbao'.
Then your parents would nudge you to say that Chinese lines that you've practiced over and over again, fold your fist together and expects to be given an 'angbao', too.

From then on, every year approaching that Lunar New Year's eve, you'll hear your mom stressing out on how the house should be painted over outside, then inside, then outside, then inside, then new furnitures are imperative, then new dining set is a must and the list goes on.
As she gets older and we get more mobile, she'll start telling you to stop sweeping the floor on New Year's day, don't cut your nails or use scissors on New Year's day, don't work on New Year's day, and a bunch of new rules to follow on and on and on.
Then your mom goes through a phase of acquiring new skills, Chinese art of Feng Shui and other Chinese metaphysics topics.  The bunch of rules for New Year, became more exact and calculated.  It becomes a hard line doctrine.  Stars are flown every year and plants move accordingly.  The repainting and redecorating becomes even crazier, because apparently you're a Goat, she's a Snake and dad just shook his head thinking oh boy what are we arguing about!

This is the auto pilot of a well versed overseas Chinese.  Perhaps some other can tell me their version of auto pilot before Christmas.  Thankfully, I'm not on auto pilot anymore.
In fact tomorrow, I might just start my day by sweeping the floor, washing my hair, and working all day.  Lets see what happens to me this year.
Fly horsey, horsey, doesn't matter if you're a wooden horse, I know you're made of cloud, so, fly.....

Wednesday, 22 January 2014

It's not about the Destination

It's about the journey and the things you learn when you stop and be silent
Summer has been lovely and for the first time in many a long year I stayed in NZ and more particularly enjoyed my house and garden.
Long days with the windows and doors open and the sweet smell of Jasmine perfuming the interior of the house whose internal shadows provided a delicious cool against the afternoon heat outside.
Early evenings, just before sunset, found me with a glass of wine in one hand and a hose in the other watering my garden and my crops of spinach which I am growing to give me iron and standing in the wisps of cooking smoke from the barbecue as they danced across the stones and bore themselves upwards before melting into the trees.

Also friends have been kind and plentiful and I have hardly had an evening alone. There has been good company nearly all the time. 
This year, too, the shop turns 100 years' old.
How I have come to love being in my shop more than ever. The work itself provides useful occupation and enjoyment especially when mingled with lunches at Heizou and Tai Chi practice to the amusement of window shoppers who catch me at it and piano practice and visiting friends. Moreover it is a quiet haven away from the madding crowd. 
I have so much to be grateful for.

Thursday, 16 January 2014

FREE: Competition

Guess what!
If you love animals, you get the chance of winning a painting through this competition.

Just click the link below and follow the instruction with the picture like the above.

Do it before 24th January 2014!

Wednesday, 15 January 2014

Sew Along Qi Pao for Lunar New Year

The Qi Pao remix
As the Lunar New Year is coming closer (31 January 2014), a favourite sewing site that uses Japanese sewing pattern is holding a sew along little girls' Qi Pao (Chinese girls' dress).
I'm so excited and am sharing with all of my readers here.

Click this link:
Japanese Sewing Books Qi Pao Sew Along

Fabric guide for this dress is usually thick silk material with elaborate embroidery, but a normal cotton will do just fine since little girls grew up so fast and will only wear the dress once a per year.
As for me, I have my formal red Qi Pao that I wore once for a Gu Zheng competition, and a fun cotton one that I probably will never wear.  Because I prefer my flip flop and normal clothes for everyday, even on that day :)

Disclaimer: the picture above is not mine and not the sew along dress.

Saturday, 11 January 2014

Sorting Out the Posts

It's been a few years since I started blogging and I found that my posts are so varied that it became cluttered.
So this year I have decided to separate my daughter's work and my spiritual development from my original single life obsessions posts.

To see what my daughter does, go to:
Splendid Story Writing

To see my spiritual development progress, go to:
Quantum Energy Works

To see what I obsessed about this very moment, go to:

Phew, I feel like I've tidied up my desk even though I still can't see the surface.

"World War Z" Review

I am not drawn to movies with zombies, but the fact that it was partly shot in Malta, I'll give Brad Pitt another chance to redeem himself after 6 children with Angie.

The movie centered on 'Gerry' (Brad Pitt), a United Nations employee and how he alone saves the world from a pandemic that turns humans into flesh eating animal like creatures.

To me, the plot is predictable (inspired from Max Brooks' 2006 apocalyptic horror novel "World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War") and the way the zombies behave, i.e. throwing themselves onto their prey (were they replaced by dolls for those actions? hence the throwing themselves movement?), was unsavory and to have the thought "Walking Dead" perhaps is a better representative of this zombie actions makes it more uncouth.  The teeth clacking part were truly comical.

The funny part came when the story moves to Jerusalem (shot in Valletta, Malta's capital) and the Maltese native who's watching the movie with me started pointing out the streets he often passes and the fact that those extras playing the crowds was shouting "ejja, ejja" (Maltese for "come on, come on"), of course it could've been one of those universal sounds like "oh" or "ah".

For me, the message was too clear for mass subliminal messages.
"Get vaccinated always".
The movie shows that Pitt injected himself with a deadly pathogen to escape being bitten, then when UN develops an anti virus, he's injected again with that anti virus.  Wow, how many times are you going to get yourself injected, Pitt?
For a fact, I never get a flu shot, and I hardly ever get flu ever!  Compare myself to my siblings who do get a shot, they've been sick all year long with flu or cough in and out all the time.  What's wrong here?  Something clearly doesn't add up to me.

To sum it up, I don't like this movie.  Firstly for the cheap body (dummy) throwing zombies.  Secondly, for the underlying mass brainwashing fear induced message of get yourself a jab or die.  The movie end by saying that we need to help each other, well, that's all true, but help each other in what?  Reminding your neighbour to get vaccinated?
Give it a pass if you don't like to be blatantly brainwashed.

Disclaimer:  I do not own the photo above.

Tuesday, 31 December 2013


A year of great changes and acceleration of growth.
We go through life limiting ourselves.
Thinking we cannot hear, therefore we cannot dance.
When we start feeling instead of struggling to hear, we start listening to the whispers of our higher self.
Like the deaf dancers of the thousand hands Guan Yin, we can then start to dance to the daily cues of our lives.

Wednesday, 23 October 2013

Courtesy Visit from the Giants Part 2

Continuing from Courtesy Visit from the Giants Part 1.
The day after, I remembered about a curious incident that happened in Malta in the 1939.  It was documented in the National Geography but no one knows what really happened.
A curious book bought from someone documenting the event of Miss Lois Jessup
There is an account that in the 1940s a British embassy worker, Miss Lois Jessup, went on a tour of the Hypogeum and persuaded a guide to let her explore a 3 ft. square "burial chamber" next to the floor of the lowest room in the last [3rd] sub-level. 

She claims that after squeezing through this chamber she came into a large room; where she was standing there was a large cliff with a steep drop and the floor of the cavern could not be seen. 
Across the cavern there was a small ledge with an opening in the wall. According to Ms. Jessup, a number of "humanoid beings" that were covered in white hair and hunched over came out of this opening. 
They raised their palms in her direction and a large gust of wind filled the cavern, extinguishing the light of her candle. She then claimed that she felt something brush past her. 

When she went back to the Hypogeum on another occasion, she was told no such tour guide had ever worked on the site.

Sometime after Miss Jessup's first visit, a group of school children and their teacher visited the Hypogeum on an outing and entered the same burial chamber, which then collapsed while they were inside. 
Search parties could not conduct a thorough search for the children or their teacher due to the cave-in. 
The parents of the children claimed that, for weeks, they could hear the voices of their young children coming from under the ground in several parts of the island.
According to National Geographic's Ancient X-Files there are no local newspaper reports or accounts from residents about the missing children, making it more likely this was an invented story.
It was asserted that for weeks afterwards the wailing and screaming of children was heard underground in different parts of the island, but no one could locate the sources of the cries.

Click this link to read more:
Malta Temples

I don't own the pictures above.

Monday, 21 October 2013

Courtesy Visit from the Giants Part 1

It was a quiet summer night, soft silvery light from the full moon graced my room. 
I sat in meditation, as usual and was soon drifting within, so calm and serene. 
This night’s meditation, however, was to be a short one. 
I felt heaviness in the room, as if being watched by invisible beings, was not scary at all but weird in a way. 
I felt shadows moving in my room and I was sure could even hear their invisible ethereal footsteps. 
I opened my eyes after some time, all was quiet, the moonlight still there softly lighting my room, all was quiet except for the heavy air.
I felt these presences as if they were giants of some sort…but I was not scared at all.

I became aware that my apartment block stands very near a very ancient megalithic temple and burial caves. 
I couldn't help but smile at the fantasy of the thought… 

Thursday, 3 October 2013

Pebbles On The Sand

I love to meditate by the sea, sometimes I share my thoughts and longings with it too.

I remember once i decided to go and walk on the beach, it was early summer. 
I walked by the edge where the sand was moist so that I would leave my footprints and every now and then I look back and look at the pattern.

There were young children playing, building sand castles and gathering tiny pebbles to embellish their constructions.  Their enthusiastic laughter  mingled with cries from the seagulls, they were so happy.
I stopped to feel the rising sun on my shoulders and the soft breeze and also to smell the sea. Tiny waves were kissing my toes as if they were extended fingers of the sea inviting me to play with them. 
I picked up a pebble on the sand and it seemed it knew my hand.  The rhythm of my breathing matched the rhythm of the incoming waves...I felt one with the sea and the pebble and the sun. 
It was all a song of creation...a song of Being-ness. 
I bent down and wrote on the soft sand, "I am in love with you" as if talking to the sea.
Like a little child, I skimmed the pebble on the sea, like an acknowledgment to the sea...or was it a way of communicating with it?
After some time, oblivious of the passing time, I noticed the waves gaining more momentum...due to the rising sun, I suppose.  
When I came back from my pleasant reverie, I noticed that the waves have crumbled the castles and that now my writing on the sand said only, "I am...". I could not help but smile, looked at the sea and sent a loving imaginary hug. 
I turned back to return home...all my footprints were erased by the sea.  I felt so much love that my eyes watered and a tear drop fell in the sea, carried away by the waves mingling with the ocean. 
Yes, I am one...always, am one with the Source. 

Tuesday, 1 October 2013

FREE: Pattern- Two Tone Brimmed Beanie

For crown measurement 60cm (XL)

- Bamboo Yarn (70% cotton, 30% bamboo yarn) 3 skeins of 50gr each (2 main colour, 1 contrasting colour)
- Crochet hook size 3mm
- Patience

- Crown diameter
- Drop height to bottom of ear
- Desired brim width

Stitches needed:
- Chain = ch
- Single Crochet (on the magic ring if not doing chain for the first row) = sc
- Slip Stitch = ss
- Double Crochet = dc
- Front Post Double Crochet = fpdc
- Back Post Double Crochet = bpdc

- I followed "Basic Double Crochet hat with instructions on how to make a hat a great fit every time" (on her page, scroll down for free pdf file Bobwilson123)/ "Basic Beanie" (youtube video) for the crown, with a bit of modification.
Instead of chaining and joining the chain to form a circle at the beginning, I made a magic circle ("Crochet Geek" on youtube has an excellent library of these basic crochet technique) and made the needed stitches for the first row.
Here I made:
Row 1: 12 sc on the magic circle, ss to first stitch, 1 sc, ch 1 (instead of ch 3, do not count as stitch)
Row 2: increase row, 2 dc on each sc (total 24 dc), ss, 1 sc, ch 1
Row 3: *1 dc on first stitch, 2 dc on second stitch* repeat *to* (total 36 dc), ss, 1sc, ch 1
Row 4: *1 dc on first stitch, 1 dc on second stitch, 2 dc on third stitch* repeat *to*(total 48 dc), ss, 1sc, ch 1
Row 5: *1dc on first stitch, 1 dc on second stitch, 1 dc on third stitch, 2 dc on fourth stitch* repeat *to* (total 60 dc), ss, 1sc, ch 1
I continued the increasing pattern until Row 15 (total 180 dc), after ss, 1sc, ch 1, I start the cross stitch pattern.  This stitch pattern will only work with even numbered stitches.

- The pattern I used was the "Cross Stitch Hat" (on her page, scroll down for free pdf file Bobwilson123)/ "Cross Stitch Hat" (youtube video).
Here I made the cross stitch pattern from Row 16 to Row 31.
Since this is for the side of the head, no increase is made within this section, you should still end up with the same number of stitches you started with after you stop the increase round, i.e. I ended up with 180 stitches.

- The contrasting colour is added after you do the first fpdc at the start of the brim row.
Row 32: *main colour fpdc on first stitch, ss to join contrasting colour fpdc on second stitch* repeat *to*, take both yarn when ss, 1sc, ch 1
Row 33: *main colour bpdc on first stitch, contrasting colour bpdc on second stitch* repeat *to*, take both yarn when ss, 1sc, ch 1
I did 4 sets of repeat Row 32 to Row 33, do as many as you wish, depending on how wide you want the brim.

This is an extra large beanie and I used a fairly thin ply yarn hence the many rows and stitches.  If you are using an chunkier yarn, e.g. 8 ply onwards, you only need fewer stitches and rows.  The first row (the magic ring row) may only need 6 to 10 stitches.

Feel free to use this pattern but please refer it back to my url site.

Have fun :)

Saturday, 28 September 2013


A few days ago, someone asked me, "What is a soulmate?".
Now, I am puzzled by this because the person asking me has never married and I don't want to ruin anyone's perception on what is or what is not.  After all, I have 1 failed marriage under my belt.  Who is to say that my experience won't cloud my opinion?
So, my silly side decided to 'play'.
I sent him a definition of "soulmate" according to the Merriam Webster dictionary.

There is much background to this story than what is visible on the naked eye.  But for now, lets stick to the question.

Soulmate, is made up of 2 words.  The soul and the mate.  
Where is the mate when the soul is denied?
The mate only appears when the soul is recognised. 

Many think that soulmate(s) are persons with whom one has a feeling of deep or natural affinity, from sex to spiritual affinity. 
The current usage of the concept points to a romantic partner. 

However, there is a definition which is beautiful, it is Theosophic:

According to Theosophy, whose claims were modified by Edgar Cayce, God created androgynous souls—equally male and female.  Later theories postulate that the souls split into separate genders, perhaps because they incurred Karma while playing around on the Earth, or "separation from God.".  Over a number of reincarnations, each half seeks the other.  When all karmic debt is purged, the two will fuse back together and return to the ultimate.

In my experience, I have known persons who thought they had found their soul-mate...their spiritual soul-mate that is, as this seems to be the highest in the man-made classification.  Then something happens and they break what happened?

A soul takes on physical form in a body to experience and learn.  
That creates a signature frequency, or vibration of that being. 
When two such beings resonate together it means that there is a spiritual-physical affinity, not either or, but spiritual-physical together. 
And so one effects the other through vibes even by living far away...even by being silent there can be a lot of communication between them. 
Even though they have different karma or life lessons, they are connected through their Higher Self.

If you mix the definition of marriage with the definition of soulmate(s), that's when your judgement is clouded.  
Marriage has nothing to do with finding a soulmate(s).  
Think about those who went into polygamy.  Those who married many times.  Then there are those who falls under the LGBT community category.  Whose to say that they have not found their soulmate(s)?
It is more important to focus on learning your lessons and connecting with your Higher Self than trying to sift through the dating site in the hope to find your "soulmate".

Barking at Shadows

Very quiet night...distant bark from a dog, then quiet again. 
Rain was gently falling silently on the street. 
A puddle reflected the bright moon, a yellow golden orb in the puddle. 
I was staring at the moon's reflection being broken into many tiny fragments when raindrops hit the puddle. 
Then, the images shiver into connecting together reflecting the whole moon...until the next drop....

The moon does not change, only the reflection does. 
The light in the heavens and the light in the puddle, both lights from one light. 
The light from the moon is already a reflection from the sun which is out of sight in the night.

Waves of light, too were hitting me and inner love and compassion awakened in my heart. 
Light and Love is all we are but we cling to our beliefs that we are the moon in the puddle, always being fragmented into many pieces through our prejudices...false beliefs and worldly desires. 

We are the Light...the moon reflecting light from the Source, from the sun. 
Light within is all Light and Love.

The dog barked again...maybe seeing shadows somewhere. 
We all bark after shadows...until the sun rises and we awaken.

Friday, 27 September 2013

Mental Abuse

There are many forms of abuse that a human can do to another.
The easiest to identify is the physical abuse where you are harmed physically and the physical evidence is there to prove it.
The hardest to identify and is most apparent in social situations (friends, work colleagues, families, extended families) is the mental abuse.
Sometimes they go hand in hand, but sometimes, it is so elusive that the mental abuse goes unnoticed for the rest of a person's life.

Ir. Dr. Pam Hoat Joen PhD.
That name is the proof of my mental abuse for me and my family.
An elaborate title and a long time brilliantly shining career in civil engineering proves nothing to anyone of what a person is or her capability in "changing" other people's lives for the worst.
She is the cog that made the rusty extended family wheel turned.
She once told me that her awards and prestige will exceed the length of her name plus titles put together.  The engineering field will praise her for being one of the few Asian women of Chinese descent.
To me, those things she praises so religiously, her brilliant mind and her achievements, means nothing because we know the putridity of her soul nullified them out long ago.

Devoid of any remorse for what she has done to us, once again, her hailed "mind game" seeped under my family's skin.

An account of my dear brother:

-----Encounter with the Revered Academic Ir. Dr. Pam Hoat Joen PhD.------

Five minutes ago we were talking about the possibility of me, visiting her in Hong Kong, travelling and asking her for general advice.  It was with the outmost respect for the situation and for her that I brought the issue at all.  The moment I changed the subject, her demeanor changed from a wise old sage to a feral grey wolf protecting her den.
I was not ready for this.  So I surrendered.  Like an injured doe, exposing her belly to the wolf, I conceded, yet she pressed on sinking her teeth in the form of reassuring words.
In her own words:
"Are these your words or are these the words that are placed by someone else (my parents and sisters) close to you?"
"I truly empathise your position.  It must be truly hard for you to live with that kind of mental pressure, coming from your family.  You know that I am your aunty and anytime you need to ask for advice... rational talk with another human being, call me."

Be aware that these are the words of a person with 30 odd years long shining career.  One who was hailed as the extended family's success story.  Her ability in many languages and her proven years of research in beams and seismic loadings of earth excavation civil engineering, university publication, made her that all hail saint that she claims to be for the extended family.

She's an idealist when it comes to describing her own hopes and dreams, but a crushing realist when mentoring her closest relatives.
This high horse that she has set herself upon, is the driving force behind her motivation in making a name for herself, on this earth, regardless of collateral damage to those closest to her.
A person of her demeanor will fail to identify the true nature of the people around her.  She and others like her will fail to find any meaningful relationships, placing her trust in the exact reflection of herself in others.

Such words were so welcoming, so soothing, so motherly, after she deemed my family mentally unstable.

I grew up in a family environment where praises were so rare like rain on the desert.  To hear her acknowledging me as a sane functional human being was her ticket to winning my compliance for the night.

I came home convinced that I was surrounded by people, closest family who wish only to use me and my status as a male for their own personal gain.
A level of paranoia that can only be compared to post-traumatic stress disorder stricken war veterans returning from act of duty.

Nobody can see that this revered academic is just a wounded child that covers every little scar with overblown ego and hard exterior embellished with superfluous language.
This revered academic is actually just a scared little girl who grew up without the love from her own parents.  Then one day her closest older brother got married and with that, she got jealous.  Especially when her mother passed away right after his marriage.
This revered academic blamed it on the marriage and never acknowledge the sister in law, not even once.
For to this revered academic, this woman who married her dear brother is of a low caste, uncouth because of her low education, and not deserving of humanity.
This revered academic kicked us out from our rightful house when I was just 11, my sister 9, and my mom pregnant with my brother.
This revered academic volunteers in Red Cross, but knows nothing of compassion or humanity.

The tyranny of her dominant left brain made her believe that we are really separated as human being.  That my experiences are cut and clean from hers.  Nothing is interconnected if they're not financial or blood ties.
How comfortable it is for her to reside in that reality where all hail her titles and achievements, which escalate the level of ego once more, hence the dangerous cycle continues.

This experience I picked for my family has been learnt and signed done deal.  So much things of the old earth are still there rotting away.  Forgetting that they too need to remember that we all came from the same source and are here to learn.

Today, my extended families are not blood families.  These are the people I have met on my spiritual path.  Different races, different colours.  Not of status, not of achievements.  Broken people, from broken families.  They are all souls experiencing this earthly lives.
The ones that came as blood families has been sent off on a cloud, away, far far away, no more karma with them and the contracts have been fulfilled.

Thursday, 26 September 2013

The Finger That Points To The Moon

A postcard from Malta.

Soft cello music filled my apartment undulating with the soft cool morning breeze. 
Fingering my books' soft broken spine, I look at the Taoist shelve, with interpretations of the ancient Chinese classic I Ching. 
There was the Taoist I Ching, the Buddhist interpretation, the classical one, as well as a version with Biblical lines and interpretation. 
I was interested in the Taoist study and so I take the book in my hands and it feels like shaking hands with a forgotten friend of long ago.

I smell the years in it and notice my penciled notes on the margins. 
I smile softly and together with the breeze and the music went back in time. 
But suddenly I put it back and take another one and another one like a frantic reader looking for something within the pages. 
I put everything back on the shelves and sat down on the cushions and let the music and the breeze be my only companion. 
I was immersed in the music....

The music stops and I could only hear my breathing and feel my heartbeat. 
I was me again in the Now moment, the ever-present moment. 
I realise I cannot read these books again because I have changed...yes I was not my past. 
They do not belong to the present 'me'...they do not talk to me anymore, only because now I am different.

They were only the finger pointing at the moon. 
Why get fascinated about the finger or the hand that is pointing at the moon? 
I realized it was always me after all...
I was the finger, the pointer and the moon. 
A quantum reality which cannot be expressed linearly.

When the sun comes up, we do not need to carry the candles anymore to find our way. 
When we awake we can only remember the dream we had during the night.

Monday, 23 September 2013

Tied Up for a While

I have been really tied up for a while, literally, tied up.

I am in this knot, deep.  Got it bad and here to stay.  Love the smiles I get when they have their finished product and the fact that I can do this anywhere, unbounded by where the sewing machine is, I'm loving it more.

Some are still work in progress due to lack of yarn.  Patience is really tested when the yarn will take a while to arrive.  I hate unfinished things.  

Thanks to Clare at bobwilson123 for her very good tutorials to start me up hooking.  

Here are some of the hats done with her patterns, the basic beanie and criss cross stitch.

Trying out working with 2 different coloured yarns

Thursday, 12 September 2013

Life was a Choice and all about Choices

A big apology for the long overdue post.  August had been a whirlwind month of signing off the old energies that included blood ties and reuniting with our soul family.  Everyday was magical and even when we had to be apart, we knew we were always connected, as we are one.

This is a postcard from Malta, somewhere from the Mediterranean seas.

"Just dreamt of thousands of life possibilities...
of million of objects, all transforming into each other...
No right or wrong...
only contrasts...
only possibilities...
It is all a matter of choice...

What are you choosing? 

What do you choose you vibrate to?"

What is your choice?

Thursday, 4 July 2013

In Search for yourSELF

The Vitruvian Man by Leonardo da Vinci
There comes a time for every single human being,
to feel they're lost and stuck in life.

They read books from many that claimed they were once in the same limbo,
to the teachings of many ascended masters.
They change their physical self in the hope that this will win the crowd and they'll become a happier SELF.

Some quit their jobs,
travel to Nepal, Angkor Wat, and the likes,
looking for answers to cure their ailments.

But none ever thought that the answers are nowhere to be found,
that those trips to uncharted territories on earth are of pleasure only,
because the answers were already there,
before you even stepped out of the door to catch that plane.

If only you see beyond the appearance.
If only you realise the beauty in everything.
That there is consciousness in every existance,
no matter how small or how big it may be.
If only you opened your heart and look within.

Tuesday, 2 July 2013

Knit and Crochet Fair 2013

Last Sunday, despite her opposition defiance virus (I say yes, she says no, I say no,  she says yes, etc), we trot along to the "Festival Rajut Bandung 2013" (Bandung Knitting Fair 2013).

Getting there was an art in itself.  Thinking the highway would be a wise choice (less traffic since we have to pay to get on it), 5 minutes into the 'highway', we were stuck already.
Slowing down....
Getting slower...
Really really stuck!
 The "Under the Sea" display at "Festival Rajut Bandung 2013".

The competition, theme: Aquarium.  Of course no aquarium is complete without a Barbie doll.
Stuck again on the way home!
The haul.  Deliberate angle, I have a grey mohair mountain at the back.
Things to note:
- people don't sleep in on Sunday morning here....
- they're found on the highway...
- I'm going to be quite busy listening to lectures in the next few months...
- while knitting/crocheting....

Friday, 28 June 2013

Curtain Call

2013's Super Moon
Life is a stage where actors and actresses take different roles each time.
The script is already written but they have freedom to follow or improvise.

Question is: Who are the audience if we are the ones on the stage?

Thursday, 20 June 2013

"Man of Steel (3D)" Review

Watching a movie in a fully packed theater, everyone wearing 3D glasses and you coming in late with burgers, coffee and popcorn to share with your group, is certainly a unique experience in itself.

Book all the seats on your row and fill it in with your male friends.  The more the better, the younger the better.  The youngest I went with last night was two 10 year old boys and I suspected they are having the most fun out of the group.  The oldest was early 40's male and I strongly believe he enjoyed it as much and was thankful for the capuccino.

It's a pity I missed the first 5 minutes of it, thanks to the snack bar people who decided to upload pictures of our orders on their social networking pages while they were preparing it.  Yes, they were caught snapping pictures of my orders!  Ok, 13 popcorns, 10 burgers, 2 hotdogs, 10 coffees, come on, that's normal for a girl like me isn't it?  Work is stressful.

Thankfully we were just in time to catch the conflict between alive Jor El and Zod.  The first hour consists of a lot of flashbacks and at one point it got quite exhaustive.  The moment the beard was gone and the suit was on, that's where the jam packed action started and superman seriously got hotter.  With the beard he just looks more like Wolverine minus the Edward scissorhands apparatus.
That's Clark Kent before the cape.  Wolverine's brother perhaps in another franchise?
Ah, this picture is so smooth I would've slipped off that chin.
Be prepared to get shaken from the loud noises that comes from the surround sound in the second hour.  I tell you, I felt every POW and BAM that was happening on screen.  In fact, I feel a bit hung over today morning.  The second half of the movie was literally just hard core fighting and I really wondered how many people will get hurt if that actually happens in real life.  I prefer peace talks than jungle rule.

The ending was interesting however, (spoiler beware) Superman we once knew, never kills, but Kal El, just choose to snap off the neck instead of rescuing the family in danger.  Hmm.  Choices choices perhaps.  Easier to eradicate from root. Aye well chosen, the world is changing afterall.
Then, Kal El trashing the satelite drone because the government has been snooping on his communication line?  That reminds me of a certain PRISM and Snowden's confession.  Ooohh, the veil between Holywood and real life just became thinner and thinner.

Overall, I would say, see it for the action and technologies.  Don't expect anything new, we know the story for the longest time, maybe there are lights shed on certain issues, but nothing new.

Oh!  No more red undies display, that's new :)

Disclaimer:  I do not own any of the pictures above.