The easiest to identify is the physical abuse where you are harmed physically and the physical evidence is there to prove it.
The hardest to identify and is most apparent in social situations (friends, work colleagues, families, extended families) is the mental abuse.
Sometimes they go hand in hand, but sometimes, it is so elusive that the mental abuse goes unnoticed for the rest of a person's life.
Ir. Dr. Pam Hoat Joen PhD.
That name is the proof of my mental abuse for me and my family.
An elaborate title and a long time brilliantly shining career in civil engineering proves nothing to anyone of what a person is or her capability in "changing" other people's lives for the worst.
She is the cog that made the rusty extended family wheel turned.
She once told me that her awards and prestige will exceed the length of her name plus titles put together. The engineering field will praise her for being one of the few Asian women of Chinese descent.
To me, those things she praises so religiously, her brilliant mind and her achievements, means nothing because we know the putridity of her soul nullified them out long ago.
Devoid of any remorse for what she has done to us, once again, her hailed "mind game" seeped under my family's skin.
An account of my dear brother:
-----Encounter with the Revered Academic Ir. Dr. Pam Hoat Joen PhD.------
Five minutes ago we were talking about the possibility of me, visiting her in Hong Kong, travelling and asking her for general advice. It was with the outmost respect for the situation and for her that I brought the issue at all. The moment I changed the subject, her demeanor changed from a wise old sage to a feral grey wolf protecting her den.
I was not ready for this. So I surrendered. Like an injured doe, exposing her belly to the wolf, I conceded, yet she pressed on sinking her teeth in the form of reassuring words.
In her own words:
"Are these your words or are these the words that are placed by someone else (my parents and sisters) close to you?"
"I truly empathise your position. It must be truly hard for you to live with that kind of mental pressure, coming from your family. You know that I am your aunty and anytime you need to ask for advice... rational talk with another human being, call me."
Be aware that these are the words of a person with 30 odd years long shining career. One who was hailed as the extended family's success story. Her ability in many languages and her proven years of research in beams and seismic loadings of earth excavation civil engineering, university publication, made her that all hail saint that she claims to be for the extended family.
She's an idealist when it comes to describing her own hopes and dreams, but a crushing realist when mentoring her closest relatives.
This high horse that she has set herself upon, is the driving force behind her motivation in making a name for herself, on this earth, regardless of collateral damage to those closest to her.
A person of her demeanor will fail to identify the true nature of the people around her. She and others like her will fail to find any meaningful relationships, placing her trust in the exact reflection of herself in others.
I grew up in a family environment where praises were so rare like rain on the desert. To hear her acknowledging me as a sane functional human being was her ticket to winning my compliance for the night.
I came home convinced that I was surrounded by people, closest family who wish only to use me and my status as a male for their own personal gain.
A level of paranoia that can only be compared to post-traumatic stress disorder stricken war veterans returning from act of duty.
Nobody can see that this revered academic is just a wounded child that covers every little scar with overblown ego and hard exterior embellished with superfluous language.
This revered academic is actually just a scared little girl who grew up without the love from her own parents. Then one day her closest older brother got married and with that, she got jealous. Especially when her mother passed away right after his marriage.
This revered academic blamed it on the marriage and never acknowledge the sister in law, not even once.
For to this revered academic, this woman who married her dear brother is of a low caste, uncouth because of her low education, and not deserving of humanity.
This revered academic kicked us out from our rightful house when I was just 11, my sister 9, and my mom pregnant with my brother.
This revered academic volunteers in Red Cross, but knows nothing of compassion or humanity.
The tyranny of her dominant left brain made her believe that we are really separated as human being. That my experiences are cut and clean from hers. Nothing is interconnected if they're not financial or blood ties.
How comfortable it is for her to reside in that reality where all hail her titles and achievements, which escalate the level of ego once more, hence the dangerous cycle continues.
This experience I picked for my family has been learnt and signed done deal. So much things of the old earth are still there rotting away. Forgetting that they too need to remember that we all came from the same source and are here to learn.
Today, my extended families are not blood families. These are the people I have met on my spiritual path. Different races, different colours. Not of status, not of achievements. Broken people, from broken families. They are all souls experiencing this earthly lives.
The ones that came as blood families has been sent off on a cloud, away, far far away, no more karma with them and the contracts have been fulfilled.